Killer Apps


I have to first make fun of myself for writing a piece on apps because as someone who is just about to complain about their overuse, I’ll sound like a hypocrit or just a smug “meh” person.  So nice work Dot, way to sound like a hater, one day you’ll wonder how you ever lived with out Twitter, so go ahead and preemptively can it.

Now that I’ve beaten you to the punch, commence with app hate. And when I speak of “App Hate” I include rabid use of consumer technology that is KILLING the very moments, iterative thoughts, and behaviors it tries to capture or support or encourage.


Take cutie patootie rugged beard boy Ben Roethlisberger- a Superbowl quarterback and very talented meat head. Here in DC we are surrounded by skinny stiffs in suits, so I love me some Dan Conners-like workin man hunk. But yesterday my local news kept cutting to him sitting in a convertible next to another player and instead of just lookin all awesome and taking in the moment, maybe wavin a towel or sippin a bevo, I got an eyefull of two football players waving DV cams around. What a bunch of dorks.

I can imagine wanting footage of your view from that winning perch, but don’t you have an assistant who could sit in the front seat and shoot it for you? Maybe this makes Ben all the more approachable and down to earth, but I dunno, I wondered if in 30 years his kids wont make fun of him for holding such a clunky device during such an amazing moment. The timelessness of the moment is forever time-stamped by the consumer good he is waving around, which kills it for me. I’ve written about this before, so I won’t stay stuck on a rant that hates on technology. Its the mis-over-USE that kills me.

Long jam

I’ve submitted to the latest freak out fad that is Twitter. This Sanjaya darling of the Internet has elluded me but now that I’m in a job hunt I felt the need to iterate some of my thought processes behind my working life. Most of my gchat “audience” mirrors my Twitter followers so I’m lost as to the value added here, but I’m sure I’ll become a slave to it like I have others in the past.

Kudos to JW Crump at the Bivings Group for providing a sound list of Twittiquette, who’s blog not only provided me with a heads up to the no-nos that will get me dropped, but also confirmed the instincts I had about this app before I even signed up for an account.

Twitter reminds me of the chatting that goes on in bars on Capitol Hill or Beverly Hills. Lots of talk, very little work. Strike that, plenty of WORK, but very few results, finished projects or real solutions because we are all clucking about how much work we are doing or how important we are. The nanoseconds it takes me to update my twitter, take swing around FB, provide some snark on my gchat away message, slap the blog with fresh musings and maybe drop a few emails or texts add up to real minutes, which add to real hours a month making sure that I devote enough time to spying or hoping that I’ll be spied upon. I feel like I’m f*cking my own star here. This is time I could be putting ink on paper, paint on canvas or finalizing a press release for my fellow satirist in crime Danielle’s DC Tour.

Even winning the damn Superbowl doesn’t get you out of your duties as an exhibitionist, lugging around a DV so that you can update your FB profile with your own footage. And trust me, I’m not naive enough to think that someone isn’t paying Benny boy to hoist that bit o’ digi-plastic in the air in front of 200K people in downtown Pittsburgh. Somewhere there is an techno wiz of a PR agent saying, “I know you just wont the Superbowl and are a stud, but could you please take this camera and shoot some footage for your Facebook profile?” No wonder the man drives his Harley around helmetless, its enough to give me a seriouse case of the “F*ckit’s”

Whats hilarious is that I couldn’t even FIND a picture of Ben holding said camera. All of the arms raised in downtown Pittsburgh still havent yielded one shot of him groping his DV, which cracks me up. Who knows though, maybe they are all still recovering, I know it took me days to finally upload my pics from the Inaugural weekend madness.

Thats the point, it takes TIME. No matter what app is invented, aimed at streamlining our creative work as storytellers of our lives, all of this is murder on our actual time. Managing it is key, sure, but I’ve got to be careful that these apps dont turn my industrious creative chirps into bar fly belches.

Need this T

  1. June 12th, 2009

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: