Fare thee well 2008, you shall NOT be missed.

Welcome to Dot’s blog, I can hear many of you sighing in relief now that your inbox wont be crammed with crap from me anymore, call it a New Year’s Resolution way overdue, or a solution to my hyperactive need to hit the “send” button. I open this blog with a toast to the end of 2008 and am now able to put a line through one more thing on my ’08 “FINALLY DO THIS” list.

Doink!

I’ve pretty much deemed 2008 the “The Worst Year Ever”, which also garnered it “The Best Year Ever”, which has also earned it the title of “The Most Bipolar Year Ever”.

2009 is looking like a soft milky white pillow next to the shapeless black void that is 2008, floating through the cosmos like the monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey (maybe Kubrick really could see the future). Here I was, just flying my nice shiny spaceship through the heavenly wonder of Gods creation and WHAM, here’s 2008!!!!

Kubrick was ahead of his time

Incidentally, my computer did turn on me, shut down some of my life-support systems and stare at me blankly…. its more creepy than you would think. I’ve banished her to the backseat of my car for now. One day I’ll either dump her over the Key Bridge or manage to find some hack shop that can hotwire her against her will for a measly 200 bucks– which is half of what I spent on the cheap POS.

WHAM! That is the sound of the HP hitting the cold Potomac.

It all makes sense though, because for half of 2008 I think I was blacked out, which is the only way I can explain certain decisions I made. Whether this black out was due to too much time with a certain deadbeat ex, my semi-unhealthy, dysfunctional addiction to MSN’s election coverage (which outlasted my dysfunctional relationship in real life), or the month of May being the Katrina of the Johnson Family is unknown. Point being, that the first six months of 2008 totally sucked, but I suppose in that whole “Hopey McChangey” way, things had to get worse before they get better…….and all that.

Lots of people send end o’ the year wrap ups about their lives, their summer spent at the lake house, the winning shot Tommy made in basketball, the growth of their company, the new puppy, whatever. 2008 wasn’t necessarily a year of “achievement” for myself (and many people I know) but more a year of “it could be worse”, which is one hell of a way to start each day, lemmetellya. 2008 was all about “just get out of bed and see what happens”. 2008 was the year of cliches regarding hardship, but back to the bed metaphor, I’m ready to smother dear ole’ 2008 with the aforementioned soft pillow of 2009.

A 2009 OdysseyOkay, okay, no one likes a letter where someone b*tches about how sad their life is, especially when its totally not true. Well, I take that back, its definitely true, but as my Navy bosses have told me “its the truth but its not accurate”. Thats a line that’ll leave you up at night….smoke billowing from your nostrils, repeating it slowly “its trueeeeeee, but its not ACK-YOU-RITTTT”. That line will make it into a script of mine day.

I usually write things that are full of hope, emails that read like homilies that try to avoid such “negative energy” but I’m spent. Rather than bore you more with details about my life, or some historical review of the year (MSN’s awwwl over that anyways), I want to hand out a few awards to a few people that, while 2008 has pummeled me unrecognizable, have been the Vaseline on my face. Here’s to those that have eased the punches and made the tough blows slide right off.

I salute all of my friends and family in all honesty, its been one hell of a year, and you ALL have had major shit going on. But you’ve managed to make time for my sob stories, mild dementia and anxieties about the future. I hope I’ve been able to return the kindness along the way, and if not, you are each my “New Year’s Resolution” for 2009 for a variety of reasons.

So here goes with “Dots Golden Jar o’ Vaseline” awards for 2008!!!!! Cue Rocky Theme…..


In the category of “FAVORITE NEW PEOPLE OF 2008”:

To protect her future star status, pic has been ommittedThe winner is, Gregory Simmons, for her amazing compassion, brutal honesty and courage under fire. While she juggled starting a kick ass new job at ABC, she moved in with a stranger she had never met and became a fast friend of Dot’s during a particularly complicated time. This future globally recognized network anchor is possibly one of the most poised but approachable women I’ve ever met. Her cheery personality is only trumped by an enormous capacity for change and optimism, my hats off to you Greg. Much love. (I kiss the peace sign I’m flashing and then show it to the camera). Watching the news with Greg became a house sport and your gruff impression of Rachel Maddow in the makeup chair still cracks me up (barking “EASY ON THE BLUSH!”). I loved having someone to be sad with with Tim Russert passed, I think your private dance parties are a riot and I have even picked up a little of your OCD kitchen cleaning. Thanks for being the discipline and compassion I needed, you are truly an angel.

Honorable Mentions go to: Margie & Subrena Utley, model extraordinaire Jessica Griffin, and two of the men that I’ve been out with since the “Great Dump of 2008”, “Bosshogg” and “Laughryott” (chat names used to protect their identities). You guys are great and reminded me that there are decent dudes out there.

In the category of “WRITERS, SHOWS & SITES THAT SUSTAINED me in 2008”:

danielle-bw

The winner is, Danielle Belton aka The Black Snob. Many of you have heard me discuss Danielle’s writing, but few of you have known about her impact on my work as a writer/series creator and overall as my new favorite pen pal. Danielle covered the election better than anyone and woke up my inner badass with her sarcasm, insights on pop culture/politics and unbridled dork-rage. I haven’t read anything in a while that was so on-point about so many things and that made me laugh even when I disagreed. Who names Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon “Glitter and Chuckles” and then lets them “blogsit” after the election so that she could take a break from writing?! The Black Snob, thats who. I thank you for the times you got me out of a funk, the many MANY guffaws I let out (which my office mates thank you for too) and for your own courage under immense fire from jealous readers and haters. I’ll practice blackness without a license here and kiss the peace sign atchya. Put this golden jar somewhere nice, perhaps next to all those other blog trophies you’ve got.

Honorable mentions go to: Maggie Fielding Martin’s The Anatomy of a Ladybug, Oh No They Didn’t! , 236, Politico, Mad Men on AMC, and TVLand Cosby Show reruns that have thankfully been on non stop. Oh yes, and Paris Hilton’s My New BFF, yep, I watched that shit.

Hat Tip: Rachel Maddow, I really really disagree with you on many things, but I gotta hand it to ya girl, you’ve got somethin. Blogs sneaking in at the last minute are The Foggy Monocle and F*ck You Penguin (thanks to Leo for both)

Retiring for now:
Redstate, you’ve been good to me and educational, but I have to put you on the bench till you get you’re party sorted out.

In the category of “BEST NEW MUSIC of 2008”, the winner is:

Santi, my hero

Far and away Santogold (has no official site but is on Myspace). Val and I were introduced to her at the Coldplay concert, as she opened to a confused crowd. We later caught up with her tour in LA when our friend Alice Smith opened for her at the Wiltern, which was the close of her US tour. I danced like I was at a high school mixer that night and made an ass of myself. From her wardrobe, her mysterious but awesome back up singer/dancers to her crazy ass songs, she was just the shot of “WOAH” I needed this year. Thanks Santi, you mah girrrrrrrr (peace sign).

Honorable Mentions/Other great musical moments: Seeing Citizen Cope play Walter Reed on Sept 11, in front of six people (including the injured vet he was there to visit), box seats for the Coldplay show, Mates of State, Big Bill Broonzy, Jarvis Cocker,The Viels, and oh yeah, and Britney Spears, love her, Womanizers my jam.

In the category of “PEEPS THAT KEPT MY HEAD UP in ’08”,

My HeroesThe winners are Rose & Chris Gaffney. Some of you might be like “WHUUUUT?? Who the hell is that!” But I have to hand it to them. In addition to having their own first child this year, hosting numerous neighborhood parties, child care drama and job changes, Rose & Chris managed to dry my tears, lend me furniture (and more), invite me out, and issue some of the best pep emails I’ve ever received. They have been my light on a northbound train this year and I’m so blessed by their friendship. In addition to being two hilarious people, they’re humor is butressed by unmatched stregnth and loyalty. Although the Navy is worse off without them aboard, I’m thankful that you made it to SI (and even more thankful that at least one of you made it out). ;p

Honorable Mentions: My amazing sisters (who share this Golden Jar award), my best friends Adrienne Kvello and Dana Thompson, Leo Hurley, and P. Brad Guidi. The Hickeys, The Ceceres, The Colemans, The Salernos and my amazing parents, The Johnsons.

Hat Tip: Maggie Fielding Martin, who also happens to be a classmate of mine from Geo Vis, the woman can WRITE and give amazing advice. Thanks boo.

In the category of “DOTS FAVORITE THINGS of 2008”,

My glass awaits dear Mossback

My glass awaits dear Mossback

The winner is Mossback Pinot Noir. Its pricey but worth it. Of course after a year like this one, I would name booze my favorite item.

Honorable mentions: Toad Hollow Dry Pinot Noir Rose, Curry Simple, the KEYS For The Homeless Foundation website (which I helped build), the gyros at Mom’s Pizza, Oil of Olay Sleep Cream, my fireplace, the Ritz Carlton steam room, and my “new” used Hoop.

And finally,


In the category of “STUFF THAT SUCKED BUT ENDED UP BEING AWESOME (in a way)”

The winner is the year 2008. For all the reasons listed above, and even a few more.

My "Magical Negro" greasin' male me up for another round

Thanks Lord, for the lumps, for the laughs, for your protection,…..thank you,…. now I know there is someone else out there who needs your attention…..

Happy NEW Year Ya’ll,

Dotty